


Joke

by reddiegays



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Bad Jokes, Domestic Fluff, Fatherhood, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Married Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Married Life, Richie and Eddie have a daughter, and Richie performs it in his show, she writes a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-14 22:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21022949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddiegays/pseuds/reddiegays
Summary: April Kaspbrak-Tozier has written a joke for her Dad and can't wait for him to perform it to his comedy audience.





	Joke

**Author's Note:**

> the world needs more domestic reddie fluff

“Dada, dada!” April came galloping into the kitchen with a huge smile on her cute little face, surprisingly full of energy considering the early morning start. She held out a piece of paper, scruffy handwriting scrawled across it in crayon, “I writed you a joke.”

It was breakfast time in the Kaspbrak-Tozier household and the recipient of the young child’s writing was decidedly not a Morning Person, not at least until his second cup of coffee. But that didn’t stop Richie from looking at his daughter like she was the most precious gift he’d ever received - it made being awoken at seven o’clock in the morning by his hungry husband, Eddie, to make pancakes all worth it.

“Well, well, well, would you look at that, we’ve got a little smarty pants,” Richie proudly lifted his little girl into his lap, tickling her gently to make her giggle, “what did I tell you Eddie Bear, our little genius takes after me.”

Sitting across the table, Eddie would have fired back with some sarcastic comment if he didn’t have a mouthful of pancake so instead he settled for sticking up his middle finger behind April’s back. He wanted to say it was because of the awful pet name but he secretly loved it. April cleared her throat exaggeratedly and read from her writing.

“What do you call a fish with no tail?” She looked to her parents to make sure they were listening, both of them staring back at her waiting for the punchline. She looked back at her paper, and delivered the punchline completely deadpan, “a one-eyed grape.”

Before Richie could so much as open his mouth to comment, Eddie seemed to have inhaled some of his breakfast and was now sort of half choking to death and half laughing hysterically. After a moment, he composed himself, tears streaming from his eyes as he continued to giggle. Richie couldn’t help but find him absolutely adorable.

“Well, Dada, what do you think?”

“It’s brilliant, sweetheart, wonderful and I think Daddy liked it, too,” he smirked at Eddie who was still chuckling. Richie lifted April off of his lap, “right, young lady, you’d better get ready for school. And remember to brush your teeth or Daddy will divorce me.”

“Yeah, right,” April scoffed as she skipped away to the bathroom. Richie waited until she was out of earshot before turning to Eddie.

“Dude, it wasn’t that funny.”

“Funnier than your shit,” Eddie mumbled, wiping his eyes dramatically. Richie narrowed his eyes.

“Fuck you, man.”

“You have to work that joke into your routine.”

“I will,” Richie said, fondly gazing at their daughter’s messy scrawl, “I think the crowd will love it. Too good for Netflix, I’ll leave that for your material.”

“Very funny, dipshit. But I think you should really consider hiring April as your professional writer,” Eddie said with smirk on his face, winking as he stood to start the washing up. He’d barely made it to the sink before Richie was pressed up against his back, lips at his ear.

“You know, I should be offended but it really turns me on when you say stuff like that.”

“Explains a lot, you fucking weirdo,” Eddie replied although he was smiling to himself, still pretending he actually gave a shit about the dishes. He could almost feel Richie pouting.

“She can get the bus,” he said nonchalantly, encircling his hands around Eddie’s middle. Eddie rolled his eyes, trying not to enjoy the sensation of Richie’s lips on his neck.

“Nope, I’m taking her to school. You can wait half an hour.”

Richie continued to pout, stepping up his game by nibbling his ear, “my dick needs attention, too.”

“Your dick always needs attention.”

“What can I say? I married a hottie, it’s not my fault, hon,” Richie murmured sweetly, cheekily slipping his hands beneath Eddie’s shirt. Of course, this was when April decided to come skipping back into the room.

“I’m ready, Daddy.”

Eddie carefully extracted himself from Richie’s hold, pecking his cheek as he passed, and approached their daughter; he leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees.

“Hmm, let’s see,” April gave a big toothy grin and Eddie jokingly inspected her thoroughly, “well, that seems acceptable to me,” he lifted her up into his arms, groaning as his joints creaked, “I’m getting too old for this, honey.”

Richie sniggered, “lol, old man.”

“Beep beep, Dada,” both April and Eddie said, smirking away. They even had the nerve to high-five. He’d be annoyed if he didn’t love them so much. Besides, he was starting to enjoy being outnumbered.

April gave him a big hug and he wished her a good day at school. Eddie kissed him goodbye also and had the audacity to smirk at him. 

“Half an hour.”

“Shut up, idiot.”

* * *

“So, here’s the thing,” Richie turned to face his captive audience, playing with the microphone stand, “my daughter wrote this joke for me and, let me tell you, my dumbass husband thought it was the funniest thing in the fucking world and frankly I’m a bit offended.”

The audience chuckled approvingly, some going so far as to applaud the news Richie had a family; he could’ve sworn this wasn’t news, he was always talking about them. Still, he continued, confident thanks to the audience response.

“She’s six, my little girl, and already better than I am. She wanted to come here tonight and tell them herself because ‘Dada, you don’t do it right!’” He said in an approximation of April’s voice, recalling the day she’d said so with a smile on his face, “and she’s right, she’s got a real talent for telling jokes. One day she went right up to her Dad, my Eds, that is, and said ‘Daddy you’re going bald’ and just walked away. My daughter’s a fucking savage and quite frankly I’m trying to stay in her good books.”

The audience exploded into laughter, then, and Richie could sense the understanding and sympathy from fellow parents in the audience. He pushed his glasses up his nose and leaned on the microphone stand.

“I’m going to leave you tonight with a couple more of her jokes, I’m always happy to share the wonderful wit of my beautiful daughter. ‘What did one bee say to the other bee?’” Richie paused for a moment, looking around the room; several audience members muttered amongst themselves but they were baffled. He smirked, recalling April’s face as she told him two days ago, “’I like plants.’”

The audience offered polite laughter, clapping enthusiastically at the six-year-old’s sense of humour. Eddie had found that one amusing, too. In fact, he’d needed his inhaler after hearing it the first time.

“And the last one was ‘what do you call a tiger with glasses on?’“ Again the audience mostly shrugged and offered murmured suggestions. “‘A scientist tiger.’“

The audience applauded as he waved and said his goodbyes to wherever the fuck he was, blowing kisses to the audience. Richie dashed off stage quickly and Eddie was the first person he spotted, wearing a fucking ugly velvet suit and obnoxious tie. He looked so ridiculous Richie actually laughed when he reached him.

“You look stupid.”

Eddie frowned, “you told me it was being filmed, I didn’t want to be recognised. If it’s bad when people flirt with you without knowing who I am...”

“You’re backstage, dumbass.”

“Um, behind the scenes access, fuckwit,” Eddie said, linking arms with Richie as they walked to his dressing room.

“Behind the scenes access?” Richie laughed, kicking the door shut behind them. He swigged from a bottle of water on the vanity table, still smirking, “I’m not fucking Tom Hanks, Eds.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Eddie replied, stepping closer to his asshole husband, kissing deeply. Every kiss with Eddie always took his breath away and when he finally pulled away, Richie swallowed.

“Wanna fool around?”

Before Eddie could answer, his phone rang; a FaceTime call from Beverly Hanscom. He and Richie leaned close as he answered the call. Bev grinned at them happily.

“Hey, guys. How was the show?”

“Brilliant, of course, Mrs. H,” Richie said, bowing comically as their friend giggled, “how’s our little angel doing?”

“Why don’t you ask her yourself? She refused to go to bed before she’d said goodnight to you,” Bev disappeared from view briefly, calling April off-screen. A few seconds later, April’s beaming face came into view.

“DADDY! DADA!”

Richie and Eddie melted, grasping each other’s hands and waving at their little girl with the free ones, “hi, sweetie.”

“Did they like the joke, Dada?”

“Knocked ‘em dead, hon,” Richie declared proudly, winking theatrically much to April’s delight, “you’re a natural.”

“When will you be home? I miss you!”

"We’ll be back in the morning, sweetie pie,” Eddie said softly, kissing the camera as April did the same. He smiled, “now get some sleep and remember to be a good girl for your Auntie Bev and Uncle Ben.”

“Okay, Daddy. G’night.”

Richie and Eddie both wished their daughter a goodnight and the camera was handed back to Bev who focused on Ben and April, the latter in the former’s arms, both of them waving enthusiastically at the camera. Richie and Eddie waved until she was out of sight and they were once again looking at Bev.

“She’s adorable, you guys,” Bev said fondly and it was clear she was thinking of the little bundle of joy she’d soon be welcoming, “who’d have thought a kid raised by Trashmouth Tozier be as polite as that?”

Richie faked a yawn, checking an invisible watch as Eddie sniggered beside him, “oh, dear, would you look at the time? It’s getting late, Beverly. We’d quite like to get to bed now.”

“Yeah, just make sure you use protection, the world doesn’t need another Tozier.”

Both Richie and Eddie stuck up their middle fingers as Bev blew a kiss and hung up the call. The Hanscoms were their go-to babysitters, closely followed by Stan and Patty if they happened to be busy. Richie turned to his husband, grinning seductively.

“What did you think of the show, by the way?”

“Shit.”

Richie grinned, pulling Eddie closer by his hips, “big talk for someone still wearing that fucking tie."

"Why don’t you take it off for me, then?”

No matter how long they’d been together, Eddie always managed to make Richie weak in the knees. Even now, he thought he was about to pass out, “mmm, before we get to the hotel? I’m scandalised, Eds.”

As Eddie decided to shut him up the best way he knew how, Richie though, what the fuck, who was he kidding? This was the best way to end such a brilliant night.


End file.
